It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
