My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
