your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
