and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
