Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
