But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
