I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
