i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
