She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
