Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
