we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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