just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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