I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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