Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
