I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
