I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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