cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
