I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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