thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
