With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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