i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
