would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
