Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
