I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
