I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
