it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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