I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
