One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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