i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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