I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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