He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
