I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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