Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
