Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
