Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
