Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
