why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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