i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
