OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
