final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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