The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
