You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
