Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
