why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
