i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
