Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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