I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
