ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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