We're facebook friends in real life
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
