He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
