Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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