Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's like iHOP with fire
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize