I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
