At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
