Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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