Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How does one acquire holy water?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
