Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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