I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
