some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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