you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize