so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
