Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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