Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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