You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize