I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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