Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
