I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
