Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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