i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize