i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
