Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
