I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
