and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
